College, Mental Illness, OCD, Tourette Syndrome

The Train

To be honest, my last post wasn’t my best work. I’m not very happy with it. Today I decided to give you guys an extra post for this week. I hope you enjoy it!

CNWS Hike No 3

I remember the feel of my bed after a long exhausting day. This bed has been with me since the day I no longer needed a crib. This bed is where dreams appear and adventure begins.

I have always loved the feel of the cool sheets against my skin. I love it so much so that I flip my pillow over multiple times in the night just to get a chill. I love to bundle up and make a cocoon with my blankets. In that dark cocoon is where it all starts. I remember how I would close my eyes and how images immediately started to appear. Not even a minute later, the dream would begin.

I was transported to a dry and barren grassland. Nobody is here, it’s abandoned…I’m alone. I can feel the heat hit me in waves as I walk down a worn dirt path. My shirt sticks to me, but I’m no longer sure if the sweat is from the heat, or if it’s from this sudden fear. I don’t know what I’m fearing until I come across some old railroad tracks. On the other side of the tracks the grass is greener and a lone tree stands tall. I hear the toot of an oncoming train and look in the direction. I back up instinctively, but don’t see anything coming. Looking back at the tree as if it called my name, I suddenly see my parents under the tree looking at me. They don’t look afraid, but I am. I’m too afraid to cross the railroad tracks, I can’t do it…I just can’t do it.

In the present time, it’s been years since I’ve had this dream. But I’m amazed by how I can relate to it. As someone who suffers with OCD and Anxiety, I remember thousands of times where I felt “I can’t do this”. The feeling was so strong it’s the reason I’ve been in residential treatment multiple times. It crippled me and took over my life. The difference is, my family has been right beside me every step of the way. They have never been out of reach. I will always be grateful for them. That train, as scary as it is, it will not bring me down.

~ Stay Chipper! ~


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4 thoughts on “The Train”

  1. I think it is neat the way you find clarity through writing, dreams, and digging deep within yourself, I believe you’re beating this battle and I-am proud of you. What a lovely post!

    Like

  2. Your fortunate to have such a wonderfully support family, it must make a huge difference given the different challenges.

    I never really have dreams, well I don’t remember them, I liked the idea of the train.

    How did college go this week?

    Liked by 1 person

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