College, Mental Illness, OCD, Tourette Syndrome

What Kept Me Going at My Worst

dr-franklin-and-dr-antinoro

I grew up a Roman Catholic and the morals and values that faith gave me helped make me who I am today. When someone faces a struggle so big, you can’t help but search for reasons as to why this has happened. For my family, our answer was always “God has a plan.” I truly believe that. God has a plan and everything happens for a reason were the sayings that got me through my hardest times.  I’ve known what God’s plan was since I was 13 years old. I met Dr. Franklin and Dr. Antinoro at UPENN Center for the Treatment and Study of Anxiety and they introduced me to the lifesaving methods of treating my OCD. I knew after meeting them that they are exactly who I want to be when I grow up. This right here was God’s plan for me. I am struggling now, but one day I can use my experience to help others like myself. I’ve always been the kind of person who wants to please others. I don’t want to offend anyone, I don’t want to upset anyone. I want everyone to be happy, healthy, and in love with life’s adventures. Dr. Franklin and Dr. Antinoro brought back the happiness and hope in my life. That is what I want to do for others.

So, as I had tread my way through the rough seas, this dream of mine, this plan, kept me going. I knew one day I would get better. My parents made sure of that. I would not always live like this. Hope was something I almost always had. Life can’t be this hard forever, right? Right. One day the stormy clouds have to pass. One day the seas have to calm. One day the winds die down. Everything will work out in the end. Everything I’ve gone through will be a life lesson and will make me stronger. These thoughts were essential to getting me through the worst of times. I hope by writing this, someone may read this and become inspired to start thinking this way. Optimism is the only way you’ll get through it all in the end. Why not start now?

 

~ Stay Chipper ~


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College, Mental Illness, OCD, Tourette Syndrome

The Train

To be honest, my last post wasn’t my best work. I’m not very happy with it. Today I decided to give you guys an extra post for this week. I hope you enjoy it!

CNWS Hike No 3

I remember the feel of my bed after a long exhausting day. This bed has been with me since the day I no longer needed a crib. This bed is where dreams appear and adventure begins.

I have always loved the feel of the cool sheets against my skin. I love it so much so that I flip my pillow over multiple times in the night just to get a chill. I love to bundle up and make a cocoon with my blankets. In that dark cocoon is where it all starts. I remember how I would close my eyes and how images immediately started to appear. Not even a minute later, the dream would begin.

I was transported to a dry and barren grassland. Nobody is here, it’s abandoned…I’m alone. I can feel the heat hit me in waves as I walk down a worn dirt path. My shirt sticks to me, but I’m no longer sure if the sweat is from the heat, or if it’s from this sudden fear. I don’t know what I’m fearing until I come across some old railroad tracks. On the other side of the tracks the grass is greener and a lone tree stands tall. I hear the toot of an oncoming train and look in the direction. I back up instinctively, but don’t see anything coming. Looking back at the tree as if it called my name, I suddenly see my parents under the tree looking at me. They don’t look afraid, but I am. I’m too afraid to cross the railroad tracks, I can’t do it…I just can’t do it.

In the present time, it’s been years since I’ve had this dream. But I’m amazed by how I can relate to it. As someone who suffers with OCD and Anxiety, I remember thousands of times where I felt “I can’t do this”. The feeling was so strong it’s the reason I’ve been in residential treatment multiple times. It crippled me and took over my life. The difference is, my family has been right beside me every step of the way. They have never been out of reach. I will always be grateful for them. That train, as scary as it is, it will not bring me down.

~ Stay Chipper! ~


I love emails! Send me one here chipperchelseakay@gmail.com

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